Memory Lane: Middle Finger To Vaseline

As a kid its certain things in my childhood that have left me scared. Some of its food, and well the rest is a few other things but hey we all have these things that our parents did that make us say “Im never going to do that bullshyt to my child.”  And ladies & gentlemen, boys & girls, whores & virgins, cats & turtles (Mannie Fresh voice) Vaseoline is one of those products that hurt me soul (c) Lupe.

From the time I could actually remember life as young chap I have always hated Vaseline. I know it serves the purpose of keeping our Egyptian skin up to par but fuck all that my parents over did it. Every day my mom/dad would crack open that high yella jar and rub my entire body down in this punk ass thick substance. And everyday I had to go to school shiny as hell. Just beaming (c) Lupe! I looked like I hopped out of fish frying pan. I use to be so lathered down that for years I thought it was impossible for me to sweat. My grandma called it foolishness but I used to be really concerned about my sweat glands being clogged. I dont think I ever actually sweated for the first 8 years of my life. The worse part, the worse part of it all was when the wind was blowing, and shyt would be flying in the air and would stick to me. Here I am one of the few black kids at school, alllll the wayyyyyyy glossed upppppppp, with pieces of candy wrappers, grass, leavess, dirt and what ever else mother nature decided to blow in the wind stuck to me. NOT A GOOD LOOK….

To my unborn child, still swimming in my left or right sac, just know I will never do you like this. If you got desert dry lips or skin then expect a dabble here an there but other than that Coco Butter, and lotion for ya because I love you.

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