Ladies, don’t be scared of the term hoe hoggin, I only used the word hoe because I don’t know your names © Katt Williams, lol.
Loosely defined, hoe hoggin is when you and the homies are chillin with a group of females, during this time, everyone is connecting on different levels and you begin to connect on a cooler level with one of the females than you do with anybody else. Of course she happens to be attracted by your sense of humor, which i’d describe now as controlled recklessness, and she also happens to be the most attractive out of the other females. Competition ensues as you and the homies try to compete for the affections of this girl, and it always seems like the homie who she’s not feeling at all goes in for the number. This, my friends, is hoe hoggin.
Now, before you niggas call me a captain-save-a-hoe, keep in mind that Keez’s D has been dryer than the Sahara in a drought, so this is either a mere cry for help or a lonely cry of thirstiness, depending on the way you look at it, lol. Situation happened to me recently, as a matter of fact, the other night, and it was with one of the bruhs i’m really cool with, but this nigga does it all the time, so I shouldn’t be surprised. Situation always goes a little something like this…Keez starts out as the shy, low self-esteem one, a group of females come over, we introduce ourselves and Keez throws out a few feeler jokes to see how the ladies will take on, meanwhile, the homie is just playin it cool, not really on anything, lettin me put in all the work, so he can steal the cute one(s) from my grasp. I keep everyone laughing, and then like clockwork, he hits the cute one(s) with the suggestion that they should give him his contact info because he has a lot of cookouts at his crib and he’d like to invite them, lol. At this point, I say, WTF to myself, lol…I can’t really knock the homie for sliding that in there, but then again, it’s the bullshit because the shit is just awkward if I ask for the number too, and we’re both sending texts to the same girl tryna see if she’s DTF (down to fugggggggggg (I just learned that’s like the new LOL, lol)) after a night of B&B (Burger King and Blockbuster)…don’t judge me. So like as a friend, which I consider myself, you have to kinda give up on the battle, and hope she asks for your contact info…which she didn’t, because she probably didn’t want to seem like she was homie hoppin © Keez previous post, the shit is just a whirlwind altogether, lol.
So Keez, being the genius he is, decides to do some next level pimpin…laugh if you want to, but I gave all the females my name on facebook, lol…the event we were at didn’t allow us to write our actual names on our nametag (I went with the nickname Keez, but in hindsight, I shoulda went with ‘I Used to Get It in Ohio’, which is a double entendre of sorts, cuz I used to get laid in Ohio and now I don’t and I also used to get it in Ohio, cuz that’s my homestate, but what the hell, lol), so I had to give them my whole government. Again, two of the chics were feelin me, I think…one was a space cadet, and the other was the cute one, i’m taking a chance cuz they might not remember a nigga’s government, and never hit me up on facebook, and the next time I might see the cute one is when I go over the homies house, and she’s cookin up breakfast burritos for my nigga, so I lose, lol. But it’s a subtle chance, and I feel like it allows the girl to choose instead of my nigga choosing himself for her, if i’m wrong, i’m wrong.
And this is the key difference between females and niggas…a female as thirsty as me would still try to go after the nigga if he chose her girl, but everything with us on the other hand is seen as a competition. I want to beat the nigga to death in pool, the Wii, chasin babes, etc. but at the end of the day, it’s a competition, but we’re still bros before hoes, lol. If he ends up wifing the girl, that’s still gon be my nig, and if she decides to smash both of the homies © Danger, we’ll still be cool. So to all of my hoe hoggers out there, realize that not every female is feelin you and that its ok to pass the baton to your thirstier homie who ain’t had none since pussy had him, lol.