These Hoes Ain’t Impressed by Applebee’s No More (c) Phonte

So Keez dating philosophy has come under fire lately, and what do we do? We gon clap back © Ja Rule…


My dating philosophy is relatively simple yo…its really all about getting to know a woman on some inexpensive shit…initially. For example, I try to implement my nigga King Flex’s aka Tariq Nasheed aka TN which stands for ‘That Nigga’ dating philosophy which is to try and keep the first date under twenty bucks. Now, i’m sure that 99.9% of the women reading this are thinkin ‘Nigga whaaaaaaat?’ And I say ‘Sho ya right, boo’. The reason being is that the first date is the introductory date, its where you and the young lady find out if you have a decent connection, decent enough for a second date and maybe even good enough to GTD. During this time of getting to know one another thru conversation, you may discover one of three things…(a) this woman might be the prototype, (b) conversation is wack, but i’m still tryna hit, or (c) CHECK PLEASE!!!


Now, to all of the ladies who were previously complaining about what I call the $20 theory, what do you say when you’re on a date with a guy, and absolutely no connection exists? Let me get this right, i’m supposed to take you to a nice restaurant the first time we kick it, i’m supposed to pull out the chairs, hold open car doors, let you order the most expensive drinks, etc, and what if we don’t have a connection…then what? I’m out at least $75, full stomach, battered pride cuz this chic I was braggin to the homies about turned out to be a bird, and now I gotta run by McDonald’s to pick my jumpoff something on the way to her crib, cuz you ain’t give me the ‘Courtesy Coochie’ (Courtesy Coochie or CC as I like to call it is when ladies meet a nice guy who went above and beyond the call of duty and decide to giveth up the draws for said actions). So like what is the point of spending a lot of money on someone you don’t even know.


So Keez, what do you do? Glad you asked…ladies, my approach is simple, I stay true to the $20 date rule, due to going on so many unsuccessful dates over the years. I think that my problem with dating is that I don’t have time for the bullshit…yet women do, meaning, i’m me 100% of the time, I will speak my mind, keep it real, etc. because i’m too old to try to guess if a chic is feelin a nigga. So I joke, tell stories and just be myself, as if i’ve known you for my whole life, and if you’re not comfortable with that, then that’s cool, I only lost $20 and I don’t have to wonder if you’re busy gettin beat, beat, beat © Bobby V by the next nigga when I text you, lol. So where do you take them…I got it all figured out niggas…I take them to Starbucks when its cold, and to Coldstone when its warm/hot, lol. When I give the ladies my rationale, they kinda feel me for the most part, because, in the midst of a recession, niggas ain’t got money to bullshit with. But then again, you have some doubters who say ‘I wish a nigga would ask me out to Starbucks for a date?’ This is the same broad with 4 kids, been single since ’02, and ain’t had dick since dick made her, lol. My thing is, what is the issue with a nigga really sittin down and tryna converse with you? I could take it to the old school, invite you to the crib, pop in a Blockbuster movie, and try to get it crackin from there, but we’re grown now. So I just want to really get to know you for you over a Mocha Latte, minus the distraction of going to the movies or Dave & Busters, just dig into your mind a lil bit to see your likes/dislikes and learn more about you, so ladies, how bout a round of applause? Lol


Another reason for my philosophy is because keepin it all the way real…every woman ain’t a queen, and therefore not worthy of my best, hence the BDRs with the hoodrats, lol. But I would think that ladies would feel me on this, because every dude ya’ll date ain’t worthy of GTD’n, getting the dinners, breakfast in bed, 20’s for his Intrepid, etc…same here. I’m not saying that I won’t crown a queen when I see her, because I do believe that a real, beautiful woman should be treated as such, but I am sayin that I will put a pearl necklace on a broke beak pigeon and keep it movin, lol. I think its necessary to really try to get to know people and to be yourself in the dating world.


I can’t tell you how many niggas I know who wined and dined a chic, dropped her off at her crib, and found out a few days later that ole girl was laid up with some other nigga, and eatin the food out of the doggy bag that you bought the broad, what part of the game is that? Or what about the broads who just call up niggas for dates, cuz they don’t feel like sweatin out they weave in a kitchen, so they’ll say ‘Let me just call up this nigga to see if he’ll take me to the steakhouse, cuz I could go for a nice ass ribeye right about now’. And this nigga answer the call with bells on, cuz ole girl finally called him, and agreed to go out with him, but he doesn’t realize its just cuz this lazy ass broad didn’t feel like cookin, not cuz she was really feelin a nigga. And this fellas, is the shit i’m talkin about, you can nip all this shit in the bud by hittin her with the, I just ate, you tryna just link up at the Coldstone? If she’s down for that, then she’s down for the team, and in due time if she’s the right type of chic, she’ll get treated accordingly, if not…all I lost was $20, lol. If I could just find the type of female who will go to a buffet with me…oh, a nigga will have found the prototype. Sistas be on some bullshit, but all my nigga’s who date non-black women all seem to be able to take their women to the buffet with no issues, should a nigga decide to jump that race line, this may be a leading factor….I ain’t sayin, i’m just sayin, lol.


6 Responses to These Hoes Ain’t Impressed by Applebee’s No More (c) Phonte

  1. TFD says:

    I should de-Spec on account of you trying to go to the buffet. I just told my boss that buffets are the devil…the germs…the 138 people breathing over those garlic mashed potatoes…that’s not garlic tang you taste – it’s that nasty 8-year-old’s ear wax that he left on the ladle. Yeah…go to a buffet now.

    To the topic at hand – I TOTALLY AGREE and personally HATE going to dinners (expensive & economical) with guys I have absolutely NOOO interest in. I heart a sweet date at the local ice cream shop… we can even sit and eat the treats in the park. *girl sigh* I also believe in females paying the check ever so often.

  2. m.keez says:

    Spec, if you weren’t taken i’d take you, lol

  3. Dre says:

    Thats what Im talkin about Kate…….oweeeeeeeee…..I hate dinner dates because you never really interact all like that and I tend to feel like Im getting raped for a free meal….this is exactly why Im 115% on free shyt…, movie nights..all cost

  4. Dre says:

    Spec, if you weren’t taken i’d take you, lol


    Throws flag on the play….*looks over @ red doggy dog*…lol

  5. t.polite says:

    LMAO @ Katelyn going hard on the buffet…

    I completely agree with Katelyn. I would much rather go to a more intimate spot on the first date or 2 to get to know you. Doing all that other stuff could turn out to be a major waste of my time. I can pretty much tell if I can deal with you after about 15 mins. If we go out to eat, we haven’t even gotten our appetizers yet.

    Now, I have friends who will call a different guy for each meal of the day, Dre as my witness! Like the only reason the guys are in their phones is to take them out to eat, on some ol’:

    “I think Imma call Keez today, I wanna go to Red Lobster.”~Friend

    “You don’t even like Keezy. Why do you still have his number?”~Me

    “Why not? I’m hungry and bored. I can put up with him for some buscuits, crab legs, lobster and all I can eat shrimp.”~Friend


    I don’t understand it. I’d rather not. Why would you sit and use someone like that? That’s why bammas are crazy out here now and don’t know how to treat the real thing when she falls in their hands. On the other hand, if these dudes are thirsty enough to do it…

    Pray for me and my friends.

    **I also believe that girls should pick up the tab sometimes but the guy will be responsible for the first few…lol…

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