Memory Lane: The Secret of The Ooze

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Momma always said “If it has a smell, then trust its not well”

Ahhhh yeah I remember this inncident like it was yesterday. I was a freshman or sophmore in highschool.  I was hanging out with this new girl who’s name escapes me. She had to just moved to the city and was the fresh face at school.  We had science class together and she sat at the table across from me. Now right off top I should have known that this chick was a little off her rocker because one day at school she called me over to look at these polaroids pics.  Back then it was like she got polaroids? Dayummm (c) Smokey  She got bread…lol… Of course I didnt think anything of it, plus she had a few people huddled around her. So I slide my chair over and dont you know this hefa was showing pics of her dead baby sister a casket…*calls a 20 sec time out*…Huh? WTF? Who does show and tell with showcases dead sibilings?

So moving right along. We had been fooling around for a while and when I say a while, Im talkin 3 weeks (lol…Its highschool folks, things move quickly).  Well after a few sessions of passionate kissing & aggressive rubbing she was ready to hand the monkey over  (c) post pic..lol…and to my surprise she set it up! 

It was a Saturday, she was baby sitting her little cousin not to mention her parents were gone all weekend. ..”jump shot”….My homies J & Kell scooped me up to get me over there. So we pull up, she comes outside in spandex, an a halter top niggas loose they mind. Hella terrorist fist pumps, daps, and “Knock it out for me” comments to say the least. Thats right, I was the man! Could of swore I heard Isaac Hayes playing in the background as I walked up the drive way. We get to watching a movie, grab a bite to eat, next thing I know Im sippin on some nipple, all while the little homie was in the other room playing with his choo choo train. Eventually he passes out…Showtimeeeeeee (c) Swizz…

We head to the bed room she strip down, I put on the ultimate fingera show. Hell you would of thought I was actually having sex the way I had her going. This is where the fingera myth became legend. So we both damn near butt ass naked (I always kept my socks on for some reason..lol). During this passionate make out session I kept thinking something just aint right. Usually my fingers feel like a wet, slippery slope but this go around no dice. It felt like I just stuck them in a jar of grape jelly. Boom!  She ready to go, hops on the bed, spreads the snatch wide open, and at this point Im starring in a Nike commercial all I hear is the chant  “Just Do It”. Meanwhile the little man on my shoulder was saying “Nigga this skank knows what shes doing. Shes been here before. You saw this on Real Sex remember?” But ehhh whatever. 

So I head to the bathroom to strap up, you gotta remember at this young stage in my life I didnt have that smooth transition routine quite down..lol….Now I go in there cut on the lights and look down at my fingers and Im expecting to see some vagina dip all over them but nope something was tad bit different. Instead of being wet it looked like snot on my fingers. Meanwhile shes in the bedroom whispering “is everything ok,” “Hurry, I want you.” I start to panic because Im pretty sure this ooze substance shyt is not normal. Imagine a little kid digging in their winter nose, retrieving boogers. My finger looked just like that. At this point every piece of advise from my mother ever gave me was repeating hella loud.  Thinking quick on my feet I sneak into the other room and page my niggas (yes back then we had beepers/pagers). I hit them with the “ahh fuck” code so they knew to come scoop me. And thats exactly what happened too! I made up some abnormal excuse and dipped out. Didnt even tap it, surprised huh? I know, I know, I know (c) Jay-Z

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4 Responses to Memory Lane: The Secret of The Ooze

  1. PrttyDeeP says:

    I almost up-chucked my breakfast… YUUUUUUCCCKKK!

  2. TFD says:

    Eeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! That is disgusting!

  3. t.polite says:

    LMAO! You are stoooooopid!

  4. ms. cali says:

    i’m soooo weak…. thats so nasty! lmao

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