What’s The Matter, Yo Ass Can’t Call Nobody? (c) Jerome

This is dedicated to those ladies dedicated to givin out the number…then frontin


Let me get my Picasso on, and paint the picture…A nigga is out clubbin, drunk so i’m probably talkin to every female in the building, short, Teddy Ruxpin built, 11 toes, at this point it doesn’t matter, I like to blame it on the a-a-a-alcohol (c) Foxx, when I find out the woman I talked to the night before looks like Wesley Snipes in Tu Wong Foo. Nevertheless, your lasting impression for the night was with this cute babe, short, petite, b-cups…just like you like. Ya’ll converse for a good fifteen minutes, vibe is strong, and then, your song comes on…’Big Booty Hoes’, by Uncle Luke. You can’t help but to lead this beautiful young lady to the dance floor and twerk it out. She realizes that you’re light skinned (this by no means is indicative of anything thats happened to your’s truly, lol), and may have some caucasian like tendencies, so she gives you the two step, as she’s fully aware that you came to the States from Rhthymless Nation. Song goes off, and ya’ll continue the convo, and end up exchanging math, you jokingly tell her that you have some extra draws in the car, so if she’s tryna take you back to the crib, you’re fully prepared to wash up in her sink…she gives you the uneasy look like ‘Nigga, what?’ And you respond, ‘Girl I was just playin…unless you gon do it’ (c) Kanye.  

Math is exchanged, and a nigga is grinnin ear to ear…the homies are like ‘Damn, who was shawty, look like she was feelin you’. At this point the confidence (i’m unswaggin myself) is on 110, and you reply ‘Yeah, you know, I just got G, what can I say?’. Head back to the crib with visions of you and ole girl on the brain, and you can’t help but to think to yourself, damn, she was like the wifey type, and we really vibed…at the club, so imma make it do what it do. You wait the obligatory two days to hit her up so that you don’t appear thirsty…phone rings. Its at this point you’re rehearsing what you’ll say to her when she answers, should you hit her with the, ‘Yeah, this is Keez, I had met you at the club the other day, and we vibed…I mean,you twerked me so hard on that Luke song, and I just had to follow up with you to see if we can take it to the next level, so what you doin right now, I got the condoms and the KY Jelly’…but that never happens, two rings and you get the voicemail. So you leave her the voicemail, just lettin her know who it is, and asking her to give you a call back whenever she’s free. Two damn days go by, and everytime the phone rings, you anticipate her on the call back…instead its the baby mama complaining about them goin up on the daycare, and she need a ride to grocery store. At this point, you say fuck it, and try to call ole girl again. Again, straight to voicemail after two rings, so you hit her with the ‘Hey, I don’t know if you got my last voicemail, but I was just hittin you up to see how you were and if you wanted to get up’. And you vow to delete this broad’s phone number if she doesn’t hit you back.  

At this point one of two things happens, either you delete the number, and ole girl calls you like two weeks later (after she found out her main was cheatin and she needed a simp ass nigga to come save the day, enter YOU, lol). Thinkin this is a bill collector (because you don’t recognize the number) you immediately give her the foreigner voice when she says hello. When you realize its some potential new booty on the phone, you switch it up, and ask, ‘Who is this?’. And every woman that i’ve ever dealt with’s favorite line then follows…’Thats messed up, you ain’t save my number’. Needing a quick save, you hit her with the, I just got a new phone, and all my numbers ain’t transfer over. Ya’ll converse, and set something up, the beginning of a beautiful one night stand….  

OR the more realistic scenario, lol. Ole girl never, ever, ever calls you back at all. But a month later, you’re out with the homies, and you see this broad. She immediately sees and notices you, and comes up to you with that fake ass hug, talkin about some ‘Hey, stranger, what you been up to?’ In the back of your mind, you want to slap the hell outta this broad for asking such a dumb question…but you play it cool, ‘I been working, goin to church, fightin these traffic tickets, and duckin these white folks, how you?’ She gives yout the obligatory bullshit that females are accustomed to, tells you how busy she’s been, how her dog just died, and how her granny came in town, so she just hasn’t had time for anything else. Of course, you’re visibly upset, so she can see the ‘Bitch Please’ look…its written all over your face, you don’t have to say a word, lol. She then massages your ego and says that we really need to hang out so that we can get to know each other better, and the googly eyed nigga that was hiding inside all this time reappears. You immediately begin to ask her where she’s tryna hang out, blah, blah, blah, and ya’ll set somethin up. Flash forward to the date, and she still doesn’t answer your call…THE END!  

Unfortunately, thats been the story of Keez and alot of other niggas when it comes to dealing with these flakey ass females, and its gotta stop, and damnit, i’m making a stand, lol. Ladies, what the fuck? If you aren’t feelin a nigga, how about tellin him that from jump, and saving face by letting him know that off top, instead of insinuating that ya’ll got some kinda future? I’ve been rejected more times than i’ve been accepted, so one more rejection from a female won’t hurt. Its easy to justify gettin rejected in the club, especially if you’ve been drinkin, but what is the real purpose of giving out your number if you don’t plan on accepting the call? I don’t call Domino’s and place an order for some pizza without the intention to pick that shit up. I’m not a lawyer, but I gotta believe that this is a violation of a verbal agreement of some sort. Meaning, if you give me your number, you’re agreeing to accept my calls, and potentially agreeing to give up the draws, if I spend more than $50 on a meal, I ain’t sayin, i’m just sayin.  

Aight, so I might be out in left field…just a lil bit, but this is real talk. To all the ladies who have done this to me in the past, it may not come today, it may not come tomorrow, but one day you’ll find that the joke is on you (c) my sixth grade math teacher, lol. Today, your still fine, titties still perky, skin still wrinkle free, still young and petite, but one day, you won’t be ‘that bitch’ in the club anymore, one day you’re gonna get older, be single as hell  and regret not responding to a nigga’s calls, you gon be 45 at church, praying to Jesus to send  you a man, and i’m gon be in that back pew laughin like Danny Glover and his daddy in Color Purple, as I sit next to my white wife, and our son, lil Barack, lol. So go on, keep playin us misfits, the non tall, dark and handsome niggas…I am somebody (c) Jesse Jackson, lol.  

Ladies, do you care to explain? Fellas, am I the only one? Lol…And if ya’ll niggas say I am, ya’ll all lyin, and yo baby mama gave you HPV, lol.


15 Responses to What’s The Matter, Yo Ass Can’t Call Nobody? (c) Jerome

  1. t.polite says:

    I’m not flaky so I don’t do that. I’ll just tell you that you can’t get my number. Sorry no explaination but guys are just as flaky and don’t give me that double standard mess. Y’all say stuff to us, lead us on and don’t mean it-as if you’ve had a sudden change of heart, knowing you didn’t have intentions on following through with whatever you said. Raggedy 😛

    “if ya’ll niggas say I am, ya’ll all lyin, and yo baby mama gave you HPV”?

    You have absolutely no sense.

  2. m.keez says:

    Lol…t, as long as you givin up the draws, and u got that good good, you are good for a call back in my book. The only time I flake out is when I meet a chic from blackplanet or somethin, kick it with her one time, and she look like a gorilla in the mist, u damn right i’m not callin u back, u ole false advertising ass nigga, lol (sorry, personal experiences)

  3. Diti says:

    Being a lady, I feel like a lot of times women get unladylike in the club, and don’t want the man they gave their number to, to think it’s that easy? I don’t know, then also, alcohol being involved, maybe a bad judgment was made? I mean I know I just don’t give my number out in the club, cuz I don’t want a dude to be in the club all the time ( I know you’re thinking, but bitch you were in the same club he was in), but I know for a fact I don’t go out like that. And I’m not one to regulate my man, so why even start something with someone who has habits you don’t like.

  4. TFD says:

    I’ll admit, I have given a number* out a few times in order to get a free party beverage. I am not ashamed, don’t hate the playa, hate the game.

    * The number is never my number (unless I already know you and we’re cool) it is usually my girls’ numbers. When you call them asking for me, they pull the “I’m sorry, you must have the wrong number.” If and when, I see you again I don’t give you the church hug, I give you the street nod. I know you mad…but at least I didn’t have to pay for a drink that night.

    Tell me to stop wasting dude’s time? Tell them to stop wasting their money…willingly.

    OH and who “twerks” still?! LOL. Please stop.

    ~ Katelyn

  5. t.polite says:

    LOL Katelyn…”who ‘twerks’ still?!” Hey they have the “stanky (?) leg” *youtube it* in texas so I’m sure twerking is still alive and well!!

    I have done the mix up thing…give the first 3 digits of my nbr and the last four of my friends. That’s always fun. lol…Katelyn, that doesn’t make you flaky as he is talking about, that makes you smart. 🙂

    You see Keez, this is different than what you’re talking about bc you’re talking about girls who give you their REAL numbers…If I don’t see *it* in you, you’re not getting my number.

  6. m.keez says:

    They always see it in me, they just never pick up the damn phone, lol.

    So its ok to tell a white lie to get u a drank, but I can’t white lie my way out of your life after I get the draws? A lie is a lie is a lie, lol

  7. Dre says:

    see thats that bullshyt right there Red…what the fuck..lmao..Im not mad though. thats hella gangsta…..Im sayin Keys instead of callin text that bird and wait for the response…welcome to the world of technology..lol…I never been the club number getter….never been my thing…hell for the most part when i get a girls number its because she was eye fuckin me all night, and gave me the green light (c) john legend…I always make sure its a FA SURE…lol…Im just not the aggressive type….

  8. Dre says:

    on second thought I figure if women can swindle a nigga into buyin drinks, yada, yada, we can can lie and give them the world for that night, just to get a mouth hug…its only right, its only fair…but we always get the “he aint about shyt” tagg..boooo, booooooo

  9. TFD says:

    Whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa… HALT! “Dre” (I hate that, lol) I do not “swindle a nigga into buying drinks”. Not in the least. The drink order comes BEFORE the falsified number exchange and truth be told, I normally just ask them for theirs – a few have caught on though and expect the reciprocity of my 10 too. Enter an acute memorization of everyone’s number but my own. See my pleasure comes before my lie. Sex?! The lie comes in meager hopes to receive the pleasure. Dead wrong.

    When will the twerkin’ cease?! LOL. Stanky leg…I am familiar and am NOT a fan. LOL.

  10. dejean says:

    This situation goes both ways….. Flakey ass Men… Flakey ass Women… I hate that you have to wait this many days to call somebody… If we are both adults and we both are feeling the same energy why are we playing these games!!!!

  11. m.keez says:

    Flakey ass men, just because I wait two days to call yo ass? Lol…I make you wait two days for the call, you make me wait two weeks for the draws, so why are we playin these games? ‘Baby, I know you want to, i’m not gon look at u like a hoe’, lol.

  12. dejean says:

    the waiting period is 90 days….

  13. Dre says:

    3 months yikesssss…Im sayin during the waiting time is there any mouth hugs or hand jesters involved?

  14. dejean says:

    ummm.. cant say that there is…… you cant give miscellaneous negros the red carpet treatment….

  15. m.keez says:

    What is the purpose of a three month time period before you let a nigga hit? I respect a female who says that she’s waiting for marriage, but if you aren’t waiting for marriage, then what the hell are you waiting for (c) Jigga…what if a nigga waits three months and finds out yo pussy ain’t shit, then what? lol

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