At least that’s the excuse I use for my infinite singleness, lol
The concept of ‘the one’ is very intriguing in the least. Personally, I’ve always thought it was bullshit, because ‘the one’ is based on conditional circumstances, for instance, the homie back home in Akron marries his high school sweetheart who happened to be raised around the corner from him, yet he identifies this woman as ‘the one’…are you serious? You mean to tell me, that in a world so vast, with so many people, that the perfect person for you just happened to grow up five minutes from the crib, and ya’ll expect to ride off into the sunset happily ever after? Riiiiiiiiiiiiight, lol. Is that person not ‘the one’ if she happened to live in Mississippi? Or do you make a new ‘one’ based on something else? Or what if you happen to be in the club with ‘the one’, but the nigga is too nervous to holla at you? Is he not ‘the one’ because he’s shy, and you’re attracted to more assertive men, but he has everything else that you want and desire in a significant other? These questions allow me to come to the conclusion that the concept is bogus.
Bogus, because people are always willing to compromise themselves and their desires for a perceived happiness. I think about my own past relationships, where I was so ‘in love’ that I just let some shit slide that I normally wouldn’t, i.e. being a BLB (bad luck bitch), broke, and no true vision for her future. I compromised myself cuz either the sex was good, or the broad could fry the hell outta some chicken, and really, whats better after some good sex than some of that fresh, golden brown chicken breast? I mean, after you get your rocks off, and you’re eatin a nice meal, as a man, its a lot of shit that you’ll let slide, “Umm baby, yeah, go on and grab the platinum card and hit up Dress Barn, you can have whatever you like….yeahhhhhhhhhh”. And so its after you develop that, “Well, I usually don’t do this…but” mentality that you start to manifest the idea of that signicant other being ‘the one’. It’s at this point that the concept of the one becomes more of a figment of the imagination than a reality. Granted, I can’t front and say that relationships aren’t all about compromise, but when you are compromising shit that you wouldn’t normally stand for to be in love…the nigga/female probably isn’t the one. Fellas, for example, you might be able to accept the fact that she only goes down on you on special occasions, i.e. birthdays, New Years Eve, Bar Mitzvahs, etc…but if you’re a mama’s boy, and this broad argues with your mom at every family gathering, her ass might not be the one, and you might just be compromising yourself. Ladies, you might be able to get past this nigga constantly pissin on the floor, and putting his streaked draws in the washer with your good comforter sets, but you can’t get over the fact that this nigga does occasionally flare up with that herp, lol…he might not be ‘the one’ if one of you’re requirements for a significant other is a STD free nigga.
But Keez…I’m really diggin her like a gold miner © Musiq, I mean we have so much in common, our goals match, we get along perfectly and just have a ball when we’re together, I’m convinced she’s the one. And to that I say…oh really, lol. As Ms. Cali said earlier, ‘the one’ for you today, isn’t technically ‘the one’ for you ten years from now. As people, its only natural that we evolve and grow on a daily basis, so who’s to say that those two people will evolve and grow at the same rate, and in the same way over time? I equate it to planting two flowers in the same pot (no homo, lol), you water and feed them exactly the same, but over time, they’ll grow their separate ways, as they seek the energy from the sun. I won’t front, there are always exceptions to the rule, but if you look at the divorce rate over the past twenty years, and more specifically with ya’ll colored folks, you’ll definitely have to agree that I have some substance behind my argument. I believe the divorce rate is around 45%-50% for the average American (numbers are always skewed more highly for niggas, lol), at some point in all of those relationships, both parties involved felt they were with ‘the one’, and the shit failed miserably…they don’t even speak anymore, and the nigga can’t afford shit but Campbell’s Chunky Soup after all the alimony payments, so you can say what you want. If you don’t believe me, use your own life experiences as an example. I can personally think of one female who at that point in time, I considered ‘the one’…only female that could really make me laugh, just had a great time together, didn’t spend too much money on dates, I mean, she was just like me © Foxx. But today, would she be right for me, probably not, because I’m a different person from that point in time? At that point in my life, I think I was a much nicer person, not yet jaded by time and experiences and far less reckless (wasn’t drinking then, lol). Now, I’m assuming that ole girl felt the same way (as all niggas who think they’ve found the one do), and i’m sure that she’s grown and evolved in her own right, hell, she might be more of a spiritual person, or she could be at an audition to do porn. Either way, that’s not the type of female i’m looking for today, just as I might not be the type of person she’s looking for, and nothing is wrong with that at all. If I would’ve married ‘the one’ then, I doubt that i’d be happy now.
And that’s all i’m really sayin yo, i’m not using this blog to knock the holy matrimony of marriage. I’m actually encouraging people to really be true to themselves when they get involved in these relationships. I don’t believe in real life you have stories like ‘The Notebook’…not saying its impossible to be in love for an extended period of time, but all that mushy shit is just unbelievable. Relationships are work, people fight, argue, and shit’s not always sunny, but its important that you don’t become jaded by the concept of ‘the one’. That is, you have to look at every relationship realistically and realize the commitment and compromise that has to be involved to make it work. In short, to me ‘the one’ is synonymous with someone being the perfect person for you, and I just don’t see that.
Lastly, ladies, I leave ya’ll with what I use to get some on the first night: “Look at your life baby, you got a light skin daughter and a dark skin son, your pussy ain’t shit! You live in a bad neighborhood, you look closer to your uncle than your daddy, your mama is 52 years old with a cat suit on in the picture…You are a lousy chic, girl gimme dat!” © Corey Holcomb.
Stank You, Smelly Much!