<<lights incense, dark room, scented candle burning (the fresh out the shower monkey scent), some maxwell, erykah badu, & D’Angelo super mix playin the back ground…..*barry white voice* ahhhhhhhh yeahhhhhhhhhhhhh…
Love is heaven & hell, being full & empty, a roller coaster filled with twists turns that can take you to highest of the highs and the lowest of the lows. Love is everything but at the same time it can you leave with nothing. Love is a muthafucka, but the truth is most muthfuckas live to love…..or atleast I do
“To be loved, to be loved, ohhhhh what a feeling to be lovedddd”—background-“shut the fuck up”–(c) Coming To America
You know theres one thing that we all have in common and thats this thing called love. I know, I know, I know (c) Jay-Z, I bet you was thinking fried chicken huh? Nope. Just in passing conversations I come to realize that in someway, shape or form we all have experienced it. Some of us have been on the giving side, some of us have been on the receiving side, hell most of have been on both. What is love? Well I could give you some sappy definition but the truth is Im not sure. Its a feeling that takes hold of your heart without notice. When I reflect on past relationships or whatnot I find myself having a different outlook every time. What I’ve come to realize is that everybody has their own definition, and that definition is conceived from their experiences. Its a constant mystery I swear!
As for me, I follow in the same footsteps of M. Keez, that Im inlove with idea of it all but not sure how real it is and if I will ever truly, truly find it. One thing about me if I love, I love hard. Maybe to hard…lol….Now I think about it I can honestly say theres only been about 2 1/2 ladies I have actually loved or been inlove with. Which brings me an you face to face with the subject line what is love? Well for me its putting that person before my own wants, because the need to see her smile and be happy is all that matters. And to know she is in that space trumps that want. Its establishing a bond, a trust that will naturally be bruised and dented over time but is never broken. There is no pride or ego and if so that tends to chip away and fall to the waist side. Its the idea of embracing her imperfections which in my mind is what makes her perfect. Its the unconditional feeling that cant be describe but if you were forced to paint the picture of it, you couldnt do it without he or she being included on that canvas. Even when things are hella wrong, you stay. Even when your hurt, you find a way to heal and move past it. Its the very thing that keeps me from taking a pillow to her face while she is sleeping and fucking smothering her to death after she starts some unnecessary shyt (that and CSI).
Sidebar: Maxwell’s music makes you wanna just say fuck it Boo, lets get married, and have a baby. Strickly love making music! Its impossible to actually FUCK to a Maxwell cd or to use a condom…lol….nothing but strong passionate barebacking, love music.
Thats the lighter side of it all. The dark knight side of it will send you into the ward, all strapped up (c) Kat Williams. This is where twitter, facebook, myspace, e-mail accounts, going through phones all comes into play. I’ve been both a victim of it and criminal who took part in it…lol…Nothing to crazy though! Im sure for the most part we all have experienced some type of heartbreak at point or another. More than likely it was during that period of time where you lost your heart virginity (i.e. first love). At this point you put your heart in a ziplock bag, with pad lock, and stash it the deep freezer. Why? Because you never wanna experience that type of pain everrrrrr again. You never wanna step in that vulnerable space where someone can come into your world and destroy it. So no matter who comes along you refuse to give in. So what happens? One person is on front street while the other one remains in the back alleys. Very unbalanced right? And thats the most common position we find ourselves in when dating. Being with someone who likes your more than you do or vice versa.
And thats the thin line we all have to walk because at some point you have to cut it off and start loving yourself. If not you will go noodles, and even begin to question yourself as if something is wrong with you. But at the same time you cant be to afraid to not love the next person that may come along either. So what is this thing called love? Well I’ll leave that up to you to decide. Who knows! Its one of those mysteries that will never be solved or figured out. All we can do is collect the clues along the way as we get older and hope it provides a clearer picture than before.