Nigga yes…how many is too many?
Like I seriously mentally debate myself about this topic on a weekly basis…how many dicks is too many dicks for a woman you choose, and is it important. Of course I can tragically relate this topic to my life, and at least I have the negative STD tests to prove it, even though I do have these bumps….but they come and go (just playin, a nigga is herp free, lol). So a while back, I had really started to feel this chic, didn’t really know too much about her, cuz she was from out of town…but she always accused me of being a hoe/male whore, on almost a weekly basis. Now, I know male whores and I ain’t gettin a tenth of the ass they get, so I don’t consider myself to be in that whorish category. So on some ole Freudian shit, I felt that she was accusing me because she had somethin to hide herself…and oooooooooooooh, this bitch did, not to mention, I felt like hot dog in a hallway when I went up in her (don’t clown a nigga…remember MAGNUM is like kryptonite to an average sized dick, lol). One night, we were coolin out, talkin about two of my favorite subjects…weed and bitches, and so I decided to pop the question. Not in the Jared Diamonds sense of popping the question, but in the how many dicks you seen sense of popping the question. So she asked me to write out my list of names, and I obliged…a nigga was done fairly quickly (like she wasn’t used to that, lol), but my number was probably the average dude’s number…meanwhile, it looked like this broad was writing a damn doctorial thesis, with the way she was on facebook, typing in names, looking in the air and spooling her mind for names, etc. When she got done, this broad’s list looked like Michelle Duggar’s kid’s Christmas list (the lady with 18 kids). A nigga almost fainted when he saw 40 names on the list…at the time, this broad was only 22. After that, I got on some Michael Jackon shit, and bleached my dick, so ladies, if you see the poke-a-dot penis, don’t be alarmed…it’s been hoe tested, and wifey approved, lol. Ladies…if you’re reading this, and you’ve seen 40 dicks in your life…YOU’S A HOE!. I hate to offend our readers, but i’m a realist. I know what you’re thinkin…so what does that make you, if you dated a hoe? Well, that makes me a dumb ass nigga…niggas! lol…The thing is, I didn’t know, like seriously, if I did, I woulda kept it moving after hello.
Now, a word of advice…you might want to have this conversation before you decide to go raw, just FYI, lol. Real talk, the next day, I called off work, and hit up that free clinic for an STD test, expecting the worse, especially since at the time, I was losing alot of weight,lol. At that point, I woulda been happy if the Doc would’ve hit me with “M.Keez, I regret to tell you this,but we’ve found traces of that herp”. I probably would’ve kissed her in the mouth, cuz I don’t need that AIDS, a D and an A missin out my ADIDAS, lol. In the words of Rodney Perry…’Nigga, you complaining about some bullshit ass herpes? All I gotta say is, i’m gettin skinny right now’, lmao…hilarious. STD test came back negative, so I treated myself to a lunch full of penicillin, and washed it down with a Valtrex shake, on some just in case shit, lol. It was tough, because I was really feelin this broad, but I couldn’t imagine being with someone with that many dicks in her life, so I had to break it to her that I didn’t think this was something i’d be willing to pursue for the long term….which leads back to JACKIN…What nigga you know got an STD from Jackin, unless he had that herp on his thumb, but in that case, i’d just switch it up with the left hand, cuz i’m ambidextrous,lol.
So, back to the original question…how many is too many? I honestly think it depends on the person. If you’re a nigga like Mr. Marcus, who messes with cum dumpsters on the daily, a chic who’s seen 40 dicks in her life is like a virgin…touched for the very first time. For a nigga like me, it depends on two factors. One, the number itself…I think I could live with a broad with up to 10, as long as she put some vinegar on it, so its still tight (ladies, I heard thats like an old school trick to keep it from reaching that super wideness, but it might give you that hoobastank, lol). Secondly, has she slept with niggas I know…for the purpose of a jumpoff, this doesn’t matter, nothin better than swappin stories about the same girl with the homies, unless the homie is one of ur triflin homies, then you made a mistake, lol (another downside is if she gives head, and she doesn’t swallow you…but she does with the homie…kinda hurts, and thats happened to me, lol). Its nothin worse than unknowingly dating a female that the homies ran through…shit is embarrassing when the homies break it down to you that they smashed. Of course, you have your thirsty niggas and females who will hear about someone’s sex game from multiple people and decide to test that out. Can’t front…at one point in time, I was that dude, like, let me facebook this broad and see if she really passin it out like Halloween candy, lol. But that’s neither here nor there. Now, I will be honest with the ladies…its a double standard. For example, back in the day, i’m sure that a number of females would still happily marry Wilt Chamberlain (the same nigga who said he slept with over 10,000 women), while a broad like Superhead, I don’t know any niggas personally who would wife that…because where could you take her? Superhead is the type of broad that you take to Chuck E. Cheese, and kids point and laugh, lol…so you don’t want that. I’m not stupid enough to believe that, if a chic is giving me the porn star treatment that i’m the first…I realize that everybody has a past, and if she’s been a freak with 5 niggas that I don’t know…well, she’s cool beans with me. But if you’re a freak with two niggas, and one of the niggas is a homie i’d invite to our wedding…instant jumpoff, lol. Can’t have the niggas saying “Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww, I nutted in that mouth”, when I kiss her at the wedding, lol.
Lastly, fellas, I leave ya’ll with this…If ya’ll end up dealing with a cheatin/scandalous broad, don’t feel bad, the same thing happened in the Garden of Eden. These hoes ain’t been shit. The first hoe wasn’t shit. (c) Corey Holcomb