Ladies and Gentleman, have you ever been at your significant others crib for an extended period of time, where you shit, showered and shaved in their bathroom?
Out of pure curiosity or sometimes necessity, you end up going through his/her medicine cabinet, only to see some of the weirdest and concerning shit your eyes have ever witnessed. Just 15 minutes ago, you raw dogged your girl, ya’ll been in a relationship for over six months, so she stopped bringin the warm towel to the bed after you beat it up, so now you just go in for the shower, cuz you don’t want to be at the workplace smellin like budussy. So you decide to shave…don’t have any alcohol in your bag, and so you open up the daunted medicine cabinet. After seeing all the contents of her cabinet, you not only want to throwup in your mouth, but you also want to stick your dick in a tub of alcohol. This broad has what I like to call, the VIP medicine cabinet…VIP as in Valtrex Immodium HD (broad has the bubble guts) and Penicillin. You immediately want to release your inner Ike Turner on this broad, as she could’ve at least let a nigga know that she had that herp…that shit is a game changer, lol…nigga been lickin all of her cracks and crevices, and assumed that because he doesn’t have a bump on his lip that its all good…negative, lol. My policy has always been that its better to find out at the crib than it is to find out at the clinic.
Of course, a nigga has personal experience with this shit…couldn’t blog about it if I didn’t. Granted, my experience didn’t come in the form of finding a half empty penicillin prescription, or even medication for low t-cell counts, my shit came in the form of used condoms. Sad truth, but I must admit that i’ve dated some slutty, triflin ass broads in my day, lol. Ladies, whats wrong with just telling a nigga the D ain’t good, and keepin it movin? Instead, you want to make it seem like i’m pleasing you with this three minutes of fury, then, you kick me out and call up the next man. But anyway, so yeah…a nigga hit up the ex’s spot, she had the bomb magazine rack in the bathroom, so I was reading the latest issue of XXL, as I was dropping the kids off at the pool, if you get my drift. A nigga reaches over for the toilet paper, and sees what appears to be a golden condom wrapper in the trash can. Now, I believe in being 100% honest with our blogees, so a nigga will not front…magnums ain’t me…I ain’t a Durex nigga, but I’m definitely not a Magnum nigga either…no shame in my game, gotta work with what I was given, that average phi average size, and a mean tongue game, lol. Hell, I call Magnums ‘Hip-Hop’ condoms, cuz they fit a nigga baggy © Corey Holcomb, lol. But anyway, I see the used condom wrapper in the trash can, and a nigga is pissed (during this time I actually had a heart and cared about females) but then I kinda put two and two together…either this broad was lying about not messin with ‘that’ many niggas…or she seen more sausages than Bob Evans himself…imma go with the latter, lol. In relationships, I generally try to be an honest dude, never cheated on a girlfriend until this particular chic, so I confronted her on it. This broad had the nerve to tell me that her lil niece had just been over at her crib with her boyfriend, because they don’t have a house to have sex in, she was the honorable big cousin, and let them get their fuck on at her crib…bullshit I say, lol. Now, if I was a complete idiot…I’d believe that shit, but this broad had the same bed sheets and comforter as the night before…and they didn’t smell bounty fresh. Point being…if some stranger was at the crib with your cousin, swappin eggs for baby batter, wouldn’t you want to at least wash the bed sheets because you don’t want to roll over in somebody else’s goo? Exactly. Ole lying ass, trifling ass, biaaaatch (just had to vent, lol).
Long story short…fellas and ladies ‘Check your mate, before you catch that AIDS. That’s real talk, yo. In the world we live in today, with Maury, Jerry Springer, the HIV being passed out like a blunt at a Snoop concert and gonorrhea being seen as a good STD to have, you have to protect yourself in every way that you can, seriously. Nowadays, a condom by itself is not good enough, a nigga must also be fully equipped with his ‘Go-Go Gadget’ detective skills. Now I’m not tellin niggas to hit up ‘Cheaters’ and follow your broad around the city to see what she’s doin when she says she’s goin to McDonalds…nah, I’m saying that if you’re havin sex with anyone, got damnit, its OK to search their medicine cabinet. I mean, people are curious, if you decide to let someone use your bathroom, then you have to be willing to accept the fact that they may snoop around and go through your things. If a female comes to my crib, all she’ll see is a lot of lotion and alcohol in my bathroom, one points to the incessant need to be anti-ashy and the occasional jack, and the other is for shaving. Before I get in the draws, I try to make sure the first time is at her crib, so that I can see what she’s working with in the medicine cabinet. I’m willing to accept some yeast infection creams, stool softeners, etc…but if I see drugs aimed at raising t-cell counts, Valtrex, Penicillin or any other creams and ointments aimed at curing STDs , then its time to keep it movin. Fellas and ladies…its easy to get out of this situation, you can always hit a potential partner with the regular excuses like…I just got out of a bad relationship and I don’t want to rush; I’m not lookin for a sexual relationship (kinda hard for niggas to say that with a straight face…but ladies, do use, lol) or if you’re really tryna win an Oscar, hit her with the ‘I’m tryna better my grounding with God…that’s always a winner. Please take my advice…it could save you an unexpected trip to the clinic without the embarrassing results and the permanent diseases.
Its been a while since i’ve given you one of these but…What do you call a black woman who’s had an abortion? (Give Up?) A crime stopper! © Corey Holcomb. When I told people this joke via text…I got a lot of disgusted responses, lol…but comedy is comedy, and that shit is hilarious, I don’t care how you slice it. Granted i’m sensitive to my sistas, and I know that abortion is a touchy subject, but if you’ve paid attention to my blog you’ll realize that I have a sick sense of humor, so do pardon.