Can I Get Some Eggs…To Go With This Baby Batter

Pussy ain’t gon wait for me or no nigga, but its gon stop here (c) Juvenile….

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Alot of niggas are probably wondering why I have so many Juvenile references…easily explained. Back in high school, a nigga was a huge Cash Money/No Limit nigga…and i’m not ashamed to admit that, lol…I mean, the shit went hard in my mama’s Malibu, and the females got used to the classic hits like ‘Back Dat Ass Up’ in the teen club, so how could a lil nigga not feel them? I can’t tell you how many times, i’ve literally let some ass slip through the cracks…shit is really disappointing yo. Whether it be me and a drunken hot girl, my fear of a first night BDR (performance anxiety) or a funny smell, a nigga has passed up his share of that sweet potato pie (c) Domino. In hindsight…I shake my head in disgust, cuz some of the baddest females I talked to…I didn’t close the deal with, and I reflect on this every night I find myself alone on a Saturday night with my pornotube.com and Lubriderm on deck. I just think…damn, somebody could be doing this for me, lol. But reality sets in, and a nigga just shakes his head in disgust after a night of jackin. Its actually no worse feelin in the world than when you’re reflecting on your jackin, lol. You sit there, warm towel in hand, your own goo in the other, and think…”Cell phone stopped ringin at night, i’m thinkin, where are my bitches?” (c) Phonte, lol…sad shit indeed, but my life is a painful experience, so i’m just adding to the collection, lol.  

But yeah…so many instances occurred where I was feelin a babe, and somethin just didn’t go right…at all. I often reminisce on a time where I went out during my college days…an Iota Phi Theta Final Friday spectacular…for all my non-O-Staters, this was the last party of the quarter, right before finals, so it was the last time to kick it before you had to study and go home for break…also the last time you could possibly hook up with a female you’d been feelin…which happened in this instance. So a nigga gets blitzed, as usual, before goin out. I see old girl, lookin scrumdiliumptious, and I said somethin reckless…but she was feelin it (recklessness is freedom, lol). Ended up kickin it the whole night, and she invited me to the crib. A nigga literally had to pinch himself, cuz I had imagined hittin this ass for like four years…and it was finally here, hot damn. But it was winter quarter…a nigga had no car, and this broad literally stayed two miles away. But since a nigga had wanted to hit for so long, some sacrifices need to be made, lol…so a nigga properly laced up the timbs, and walked through the snow on a mission. Unfortunately, about 15 minutes into the walk, a nigga really started to sober up, badly, and the reality set in on the feat that I was about to accomplish, and the shit honestly humbled me. Humbled me to the point where I started to question my own stroke-a-bility, and the idea of a BDR surfaced. And I kept thinkin about that shit like damn…i’m in a popular fraternity…this chic is mildly popular, and I ain’t had none in a few weeks, so the warmth might make me explode on contact, lol. I get to the crib, and she got the slow shit playin, we kissin, touchin, but I keep tellin myself, you can’t do it man, cuz if you get a BDR with this broad, it’ll be all over campus, plus, she’s kinda feelin you now, so the next time you get up with her, you can just jack, and then swing through, and hit her with that sticky icky…oooh wee, lol. Nigga…that second time never, ever happened. I don’t know if she was disappointed with the package, came to her senses and thought WTF? or if the shit was just like a real ass dream, lol. Either way, a nigga didn’t hit…and never got the opportunity to do so again.  

Same year…same shit, lol. Like now…I like petite females, but at the time, a nigga didn’t at all. I liked petite with at least some B cups, but this chic was dope, bad in the face…but the body of Urkel…and a nigga just couldn’t get ‘it’ going for the task at hand, I don’t know if the lil homie had some kinda sensor (ole girl ended up having multiple children, so it coulda been a blessing in disguise) but he wasn’t reacting…and i’ll be damned if I don’t think about her everytime I watch a porn with a skinny chic, we coulda made magic, but instead, I bitched up, and lost out.  

The last story is similar to the first story…female i’d been wanting to hit for a while. For one reason or another, she wasn’t feelin a nigga, but a nigga got some letters, and I guess my swag turned up a few notches in her eyes…I won’t knock it, lol. Chic was cute…but some of the homies had ran through her, so I was low key concerned about that ‘hot dog in a hallway factor’, lol…I was confident enough to know that I wouldn’t get a BDR this time, cuz i’d been on a nice lil streak of blazing, and just wanted to add somethin new to the roster. Once again, get to the crib…Kellz is playin ‘Half on a Baby’, I ask if I can get some of her eggs to go with this baby batter i’m about to give her, and it was on…Clothes fall off, and a nigga is kissing the neck, working his way down to the chest, and I get to the left nipple (this is the reason why I always go rightie from here on out, lol), but this broad’s nipple tasted like somethin indescribable…it had like a fishy taste to it, and my whole body shut down, a think a nigga just immediately went limp, but I couldn’t make an excuse to leave, cuz I didn’t have a car…got there on the bus, lol. She asked whats wrong, and I made up a bullshit story about me wanting to get the results of this STD test to make sure I didn’t have that clap…I mean, ladies, I don’t know what to tell ya’ll…not sure how you can test out your nipples to see what we tasting…but  you might wanna do that shit. Granted a nigga would never taste his own shit, but I assume its undesirable cuz all the girls spit it out…either that, or they don’t really like me like that, lol. This is a case of some ass that i’m glad to have left on the table…cuz if the breastisis taste like somethin out the Mississippi River, I can’t imagine what the puss was like…glad I didn’t find out the hard way. A wise man once told me that females with stanky nipples drink alot of Hypnotiq.  

Needless to say…fellas, pussy don’t wait for a nigga, unless you an athlete or somethin, in that case, the draws will fall like John McCain in an airplane, lol. But for us regular niggas…you gotta take advantage when you can, regardless if its gonna be a BDR or not…cuz at least you got it, and that shit means alot, lol. My new opinion on BDRS…if it ain’t on film it ain’t true, lol. Its your word against hers, and if she gives you a BDR, just give her a SSR (Stank Snatch Report) Gettin it and not gettin it can be the difference in writing a bullshit ass blog about all the shoulda, woulda, couldas and having three baby mamas…so niggas, if its being offered…take it, cuz you never know when the next case of DDS is on the verge.

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2 Responses to Can I Get Some Eggs…To Go With This Baby Batter

  1. t.polite says:

    I hate you. Lol

  2. m.keez says:

    I love you too…’baby batter’ > swag, lol

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