Follow me now (c) Juvenile…as I address the top five most asked questions by M.Keez date-seekers on match.com and eHarmony, lol…
As the ladies of eHarmony.com paroose a nigga’s website, these are the top four questions i’m barraged with, on a daily basis. I always respond…I gotta give credit to Trojans, spermicide, my nigga Brandon from back home, and a hint of luck. Three out of the four seem kosher, but I know you’re thinkin, why is he thankin his nigga Brandon? Truth be told me and B ended up knockin off the same girl, yet he found out those fourwords that Maury utters, yet no nigga wants to hear…You Are The Father! So big ups to B…and my godson, we call him lil M.Keez, just playin, lol. I honestly don’t think i’ve even had a pregnancy scare, which is what I tell all my ladies when I speak in my ‘tryna go raw’ voice (c) Claudia Jordan, lol. So no kids at all…I hate when niggas say no kids that I know of…thats some ignorant shit right there. Sidebar, don’t you hate it when you watch Maury and niggas act like their is no way in the hell that they can be the father of said child, even though they admitted to sleepin with old girl without a condom? That shit kills me every single time…nigga, even if you did use a condom,but you slept with her, its still a strong possibility that she could be pregnant with your child.
Anyway…So yeah, I get alot of that, how are you a black man, single, college educated and no kids shit from alot of women…mostly older, chubby broads with kids of their own…we’ll call these women, Triple F’s (c) Tariq Nasheed. Triple F = Fat, Friendly and Forty. I really don’t understand whats so surprising about me being a bachelor…hell, I drive a damn Dodge, lol…so that mere fact alone cuts out about 85% of the black women who will give me a second look. White women are more likely to give me a chance, because I just tell them that I like to support American made products. I think it has alot to do with the imagery of black men in mainstream media…for some reason we’ve been cast as deadbeats, who run a muck with many women, father kids out of wedlock with at least two women, and dumb than a muhfucka. I feel like I kinda fit into that role, minus the deadbeat, father kids out of wedlock and dumb than a muhfucka, lol…I still believe in running a muck with many women any chance I get. But with all this negativity placed on the black man, us regular niggas who went to school, and managed to not have any children out of wedlock are looked at like we’re R. Kelly at a PTA Conference…crazy, lol. Shit is not that big a deal, yo…whats more surprising to me is to see a 32 year old, single, with no kids, unbitter, black woman, lol.
Of course, with this whole brothers on the down low shit, a female will try to question a nigga’s sexuality if he’s single nowadays…but how does not being in a relationship make a nigga gay? I like to give my ladies two minutes of passion just like the nigga in a relationship, I just happen to be smart enough to stop answering a broad’s calls when she starts talkin about the R word, lol. Being single also doesn’t mean a nigga can’t get none…even tho lately, if DDS (Dry Dick Syndrome) was a cancer, I might be in the terminal cancer stage, lol. Don’t get it twisted, i’ve had plenty of offers in the past few months, but every single one of the chics were at least 5’1″ and 250. I won’t front tho…sometimes, on the late night, I really think about gettin outta bed, takin a fifth of gin over to a big girl’s crib, and wearing her ass out…but then driving home immediately afterwards, cuz if I woke up next to a big girl sober…I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself, which is why I usually kick big girls out immediately afterwards, but moving on, lol.
I honestly don’t think their is anything wrong with being single, as long as your content with your singleness…meaning, if you feel comfortable with being single, then do you. From a personal standpoint, since I didn’t really grow up in a nuclear family, I don’t value the concept of marriage as much as the next person, because that shit wasn’t a reality to me. Alot of people dream of getting married, raising a family and growing old together…never saw that, so its just not that big of a deal if a nigga is single for the long term. Maybe I might meet a girl, who rocks my world, and changes my mind, but until then, i’m tryna beat, beat, beat, beat, beat (c) Bobby Valentino, lol.
I couldn’t do this without flippin the script on women. Now if the tables are turned, and you add 5 years (i’m 26) to a female, she’s cute, no kids, got a law degree…but single. Oh, its somethin wrong with her ass, lol…The reason I say that is because I think that females long to be in a relationship more than men do. Men long for some ass…they don’t long for a woman to nag and whine and get on them about pissin on the toilet seat…nah, lol. Females on the other hand, long for the reciprocity of a loving relationship, knowing that they have someone who has their back entirely, who’ll eat their food, and give them some D. But if you’re a ‘successful’ black woman who’s single and 30+, i’m gonna start questioning some shit. Females love to pin the tail on a nigga about why they ain’t shit, why the nigga left them, blah, blah, blah, but never ever take responsibility for their own problems…they’ll never tell their homegirls that they’ve been ran through so much that a nigga feels like a hot dog in a hallway when he goes up in her, they’ll never tell them that they’re trifling, and their panties look like they been at a NASCAR race…skidmarked up, and they’ll never tell them that they’re just on some crazy shit…its all about the nigga. Therefore in my heart of hearts, i’m inclined to believe that its something wrong with her. If you’re in your early 30s and reading this, ladies, you still got some time to get it together, but be clear…the biological clock is expiring, and if a nigga is thinkin about a baby mama…he might not want a broad that smells like moth balls and epsom salt…just sayin.
As always, this has been another reckless post by yours truly, M.Keez. If you’d like my opinion on a specific topic, please leave a message in the comment section. I love negativity, and stories about niggas who fail, so please park your negativity here, lol.
THE STOOP 
i lost it at “they’ll never tell their homegirls that they’ve been ran through so much that a nigga feels like a hot dog in a hallway when he goes up in her”… lol too much.
1- i dont think that all women long for a relationship at all times. i think it depends on the situation and what stage they’re at in their life. also, personally… i wouldn’t want to just lock anyone down. as you said, its all about being content with where you are (single, married, whatever). if you’re not, then its up to you to do something about it and not sit back and complain that the other sex isn’t this or that.
2- i think there could be something equally as wrong with a dude that is single with everything together. i think sometimes guys get caught up in the belief that because they have everything in order women should be chasing them down, as a result guys don’t put forth the effort (not all men). i think sometimes when guys say they aren’t on relationships or love its because one woman did them wrong… ie broke their heart, and now they distrust all women. the same could be said for women. i also think that sometimes guys/ girls avoid relationships when they aren’t sure how to be successful in one. i think both sex long for a relationship at some point in their life but expresses it differently.
in general, as a child free educated single woman, people assume that our generation should be knocked up by now. at 24 i say, “i vote no on issue baby” im good… lol.
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