Lately, with the difficult financial times, this has been a hot topic of a discussion…sit back, relax as I go in…
Shout outs to CartoonStock.com…
I know what you’re thinkin…what does a BDR (bad dick report) have to do with difficult financial times? Easy…with times being more difficult, dates become cheaper, and the panties fall quicker. Why you ask? Well, if you can’t afford to take shorty out to Applebee’s like you usually do, because we’re in a recession, what do you do? You take it back to the old school, invite old girl over for a Blockbuster movie, one thing leads to another, and the next thing you know, you runnin outside to give old girl an umbrella as she waits at the bus stop.
Now…as old girl is at the bus stop, waiting for the Number 4, she’s angrily texting her girls:
Girl: U won’t believe this nigga was done in two minutes girl…after he was talkin all that shit about how he puts it down, this nigga literally gives me two minutes, and rolls over and goes to sleep (this chic obviously doesn’t have Sprint, cuz this text is more than 160 characters, lol)
Friend: U serious, girl? Yeah my homegirl who used to talk to him back in the day gave him a BDR, you shoulda asked me before you let him GTD
Girl: Girl I know…bout to go to the crib, pop up that pornotube, and grab the jack rabbit.
Flash forward to two days in the future. Ole boy hits her up, and decides to kick it with him again. Again, they end up doin the do…another BDR. The pattern continues. Her homegirl’s begin to question her, ‘Girl, I thought you said his D game was wack?’ But she starts to fall for him…three weeks later, ole girl gets kicked to the curb by big brother BDR….
Now, this is what confuses me about women. You’ll complain about the D game being wack to your girls…but every weekend, you kickin it with this dude, doin all kinds of porno-esque type of shit, and you still give him a BDR? WTF? Like seriously, how much sense does that make? So if I’m like a food critic, I give a restaurant an F cuz the food is horrible, yet every Sunday, my fat ass is eatin there, is my criticism of the restaurant still valid? Hell nah…so ladies, again, WTF? Lol.
I can’t front, I probably have a few BDRs floating around…but I think a dude only cares about a BDR if he cares about the female. Granted, a nigga aims to please everytime he puts it down, but sometimes things don’t go the way you plan…you might be in the middle of a bad cycle of DDS (dry dick syndrome) and once you get in that warm and gushy it’s a wrap…you might just have that oneminutitis, or you could be like me, and just not give a damn, you get done when you damn well please, and if she complains, well, don’t let the door hit yo ass on the way out, lol. It just kills me when I see a female complain about a nigga’s sex game, when she been fuckin the dude for the past 3 months, bitch please © Xzibit.
The way I look at it, if a dude is havin sex with you (in one session) for 30 minutes plus…that mean yo pussy ain’t shit © Corey Holcomb…yeah, I said it, lol. Ladies, ya’ll should pride yourself in how fast you can make a nigga cum…it speaks volumes about your sex game…it says…she’s got that Good, Good. If a dude is taking like an hour to get done…it’s probably cuz you got that ‘Dry, Dry’, that ‘So Stank that I had to Stop’, or that ‘I’d rather Jack’, lol…ladies, you don’t ever want to fall into either of those categories.
Fellas…we gotta step our game up too. I like to put all my flaws out there on the first date to the ladies, so that they don’t have high expectations. For instance, if the conversation turns to sex a ‘lil’ nigga might want to let his boo know…hey, i’m bringin a knife to a gunfight, i.e…I ain’t packin, but let me at least take a ‘stab’ at it, lol.
I just think the issue of ‘sexual performance ratings’ is skewed to the advantage of women, because a lot of men and women for that matter believe that a man’s strength lies in his sexuality. Therefore his performance is symbolic of his strength as a man. I don’t buy that…I feel like i’m a strong, confident nigga…who happens to get an occasional BDR….I tell my ladies, even MJ ain’t put up 55 every night…so you can’t expect M.Keez to either.
So…fellas, what do you do if you get a BDR? Kill yoself, lol. Nah…don’t confront the broad, just keep it movin. I’ve seen nigga after nigga who bragged on his dick get humbled by a BDR, and then confront the chic. What’s the point…you can’t argue your way out of a BDR. If you get a F in a college class, do you think you can argue your way to an A? Hell nah…its no way to really turn that negative into a positive, so you just have to take it in stride, and put that work in with the next female you run into…take it from me, lol. So, way back when, some time ago, I had this bad, mulatto babe (half black/half italian…gorgeous), definitely the baddest chic i’ve ever talked to in my life, lol…got her over to the crib, one thing led to another, next thing I know, I’m midstroke, and thinkin in the back of my head ‘Aww hell nah…AK (cuz that’s what I call em, and bitches love initials (c) Soulja Boy) you can’t be doin this right now’. But it was over before it started, and it was just disappointing. As I walked ole girl to the bus stop, all I could think was…i’m never gonna see this chic again after that performance, and needless to say, I didn’t. She had that ‘Good, Good’, and I actually cared about her, so the BDR was devastating, cuz you only get one chance to make a last impression with everything in life. I mean, i’d call…straight to voicemail, i’d text, she’d hit me with that ‘Nigga, get a life’ text right back…so finally I got the point. After that I realized, hey, you gotta step it up. So a nigga invested in those Trojan ‘Extended Pleasure’ condoms, to give me that added endurance when I needed it the most…I started to take my time when I jacked, lol…and most importantly, I used the old school advice that my Uncles gave me…just think about some other shit. So fellas, their’s hope for ya’ll. Now, if you a lady that I messed with in the past, you’re reading this, and you’re like ‘I still gave that nigga a BDR’…fuck ya’ll, lol. Nah…its cool, you can give all the BDRs you want, but that just means I ain’t care about yo ass no way, lol.
This has been another reckless blog, courtesy of your’s truly…m.keez. Ladies, if you got multiple baby daddies, a EBT card, and a job at Waffle House, its time to start realizing that you ain’t shit, lol…Be on the lookout for Ask a Nigga #2, coming real soon!