I’m Mikey…I Barack-ed It

So a brotha took the day off to exercise his felony-free right to vote…

Now, I was in line for approximately two hours…two hours of my life that I’ll never get back, but then I started to think about all of the years WE weren’t even afforded the right to vote, then I calmed my ass down. Apparently the niggas in line with me saw that we’ve made great strides too, so they’ve exercised their right to coon. The right to coon will be defined as negligent behavior which casts a bigger shadow on black people as a whole.


Exhibit A…so, not 15 minutes into standing in line at the poll, some nigga pulls up to the line in his ’88 Cutlass Supreme, rolls down his windows (mind you, by hand, lol) and says (and I quote) ‘Ya’ll niggas better vote for Barack…on my mama’. Now, keep in mind, most niggas were at their day jobs, i.e. Corporate America or the gas station, so I happened to be the only beigeish nigga in the crowd, so immediately the white people turned to me for my sign of disproval. I promptly raised my black power fist in the air, and yelled ‘Right on, my nigga’…yeah right, lol. I stood their and shook my head in shame and disbelief that a nigga would support Obama in this fashion.


Exhibit B…so about the first hour into standing in line at the poll, I notice some arguing and what not going on ahead of me in the line…and guess who was the cause of the skirmish? You guessed it….niggas! Apparently, some nigga tried the ‘Ole I’m a Fifth Grader at Lunch Time’ trick, and tried to get his chinese cut on. For my ebonically challenged brethren, a chinese cut is basically when your peoples are in line and you (the nigga who just got out his car) hops in line with his niggas, to the dismay of everyone who is behind your niggas. When it comes to niggas, you’ll often see this practice taking place at clubs and buffets. Anyway, so the white people are gettin pissed at these niggas for tryna cut the line, and i’m pissed too, but they look kinda hood, so you know….I ain’t say shit, lol. My rule is, if they ass you can’t kick…don’t talk shit, its worked for me for these past 26 years, so i’ll keep that mindset. So yelling ensues, the niggas call the white dude a cracker, but the white dude has just enough restrain in his voice not to say ‘Nigger’…I knew in his heart of hearts that he wanted to, but their were just enough niggas around, that that may have posed a problem…so he one ups the nigga, and yells for the police. Police come by and apprehend the niggas, and send them to the back of the line.


Exhibit C…so about an hour and a half into standing in line at the poll, I notice some true coonery…yes, niggas have gotten hungry, and they’ve packed samiches in their purses, and start passin em out…WTF? Niggas, how bout ya’ll eat before ya’ll get there, or after you leave. To see, and here these niggas smashin on what appeared to be Mayonnaise samiches truly brought out the Uncle Ruckus in me, and again, I shook my head in pure and utter disgust, that people…my people could act in this manner at Early Voting.


Exhibit D…so about an hour and forty-five minutes into standing in line at the poll, the niggas behind me started to complain…stating the obvious, that all of us were feeling at the time ‘Man, this some fuck shit man…they need to hurry this shit up, cuz my baby mom just got off her period nigga’, lol. Aight, so I added that last part in but still…Nobody likes to stand in line for a long ass time for anything…even if its good. If I had to wait in line for five minutes of passion with Halle Berry, I’d complain, it’s just the nature of people…we want what we want when we want it. Nothing wrong with that, but you can’t complain if other people are waiting right along with you…you know?


I rest my case, lol….but overall, the early voting wasn’t too bad. Other than the fact that a nigga is still sick and I waited out in the cold for a good 2 hours, I can’t really complain. It was good to see all the different age groups and races of people in line exercising our one inalienable right…the right to vote. I feel like they can do a lot of things to improve the voting process, but all in all, its not too bad. I just had to double and triple check to make sure that the damn computer didn’t change my vote from McCain-Palin to Obama-Biden…just playin ya’ll. I’m ridin with Obama til the wheels fall off. But if you haven’t voted yet…you might want to take off November 4th in advance because lines might be a little long, still their is no excuse to not vote this year, especially when early voting exists.


Lastly, ladies remember if ya’ll bop, make sure ya’ll don’t give a nigga the house number…I hate callin a female’s house, her dude pick up, and I gotta ask ‘A, can I speak to our bitch?” © Corey Holcomb.


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