So M. Keez did a lil clubbin this past weekend, got his drinkability on, and had a nice ass time, all the while realizing that its way cheaper and better to bring yo own liquor to the club via the lil shot bottles you can purchase at your neighborhood liquor store. Hell, I was the life of the party, pourin niggas drinks and everything, but really having a great time.
In my tipsiness, if you know me on a personal level, a lot of recklessness comes out of my mouth, and most of it is just to a) get a reaction out of you or b) if you a female that just rejected me, to piss you the hell off. Its usually b, depending on how much a nigga had to drink on that night, but I digress.
So, I’m kickin it with my homies, and a cute lil waitress walks by…cute, chocolate chic, maybe some b cups…not really my type, but as I said in a previous post, I usually go for a cute chic with a flaw when I’m out and about. Her flaw just happened to be her grill…her bottom three teeth looked like they were tryin to throw up the westside, but remember, you might wife her…i’d one night her © Rocko, lol. So she’s walkin by and I grab her, whisper a lil somethin in her ear and request the number. She responds “If you get a drink from me, I’ll give you my number.” I respond “Baby, don’t be a hoe.” Nigga, if you coulda seen the look/reaction she gave me, lol…It was as if I was the nigga at Kroger tellin her that her EBT card got declined…not good, lol. Now me, I’m shocked that she gave me the look, because a) I was just playin and b) If I have to pay for something to get anything from a female…that’s hoeish behavior. If I paid her for that drink to get her number, it’s the same thing as me paying her light bill after five minutes of passion. I just happen to call a spade a spade.
Now, moving onto the second chic I bumped into at the club…cute chic, but I didn’t tell ya’ll that the ratio was almost on some gay-club shit (no homo)…like seriously, me and my boys counted 12 females, and there had to be about 75 niggas, so niggas were practically standing in line to holla at a female, especially since eight out of the twelve were ducks. Anyways, second chic was cute, she was kinda drunk, so the first thing that came to my head was ‘Eureka, I found her!’ So we converse, and she tries to hit me with the ‘I got a man’ thing, but I just seen this chic holla at the other 74 niggas in the club, so I was on some ‘Whatcha man gotta do with me’ shit, lol. So we talk, and I’m like, well damn, do you got something against light skinned niggas? And she’s like yeah, I kinda do, ya’ll outta style. I’m like ‘Stop the presses my nigga…we got Barack, Chris Brown…and Me’. She laughs, and then proceeds to lecture me about being black, and how she wishes she was darker (wtf?). Fellas, its nothing worse than runnin into a drunk female who’s tryna be on some educational shit at the club, cuz they won’t let you leave…I don’t know how many times I said ‘Aight, bit…’ underneath my breath, but she wouldn’t stop. Seeing that the convo was heading absolutely nowhere, and she was still claiming her nigga, I had to get away, so I did what any nigga in the Niggas Ain’t Shit movement would do…pulled a jerk move. I told her that even though she has a man, we should still kick it, and like, maybe I could come through, we hit up McDonald’s to get an Extra Value Meal, then go to Blockbuster to get a movie. We’d get to the crib, I’d pour her a drink, and try to get it crackin. Afterwards, I’d wash up in her sink, and leave the rag on her tub, and bounce like a thief in a night, never call her back, and if I see her in public again, front like I never seen her in my life. I actually told her about 85% of that, and you know what this chic did…she thanked a nigga, and said, if I was single, I might be down…I don’t know if she was pullin my chain, but I feel like if I keep livin what I say in my lies, there may be hope, lol.
Third chic…now usually, I’m not intimidated by a female…because hell, they’re human, just like me…but its something about cute hoodrats that intimidates the hell outta me. Maybe it’s the multiple baby daddies who may be in the club, watchin you like a hawk, maybe it’s the fact that this chic just might have an STD, maybe it’s the blade under her tongue for ‘just in case a bitch/nigga get outta line moments’, or maybe it’s the fact that her outfit cost more than mine, but her ass still lives in Section 8…nevertheless, a nigga was intimidated. I first see this chic, damn near givin this nigga on the couch a lap dance, so I mean, I was kinda turned on in strip club sorta way. So I talked to her as the Jodeci came on, and a lot of niggas were givin me the gangsta grizzil, but i’m tipsy, so I could care less. I instruct her on how to dance with a nigga, cuz i’m light skinned, and got white people’s rhthym, and we get closer © Neyo. After the song was over, I introduced myself, and used my new pickup line (shit low key works with hoodrats) “You like, Subway?”…end up getting the number, meetin her at Waffle House, and knockin it out the park…Siikkkkkke, lol. In a perfect world, maybe, but its not a perfect world, and websites like freaksonmyspace.com exist. Yeah niggas, it’s a real website, that has truly altered my perception of dating in the new millennium, especially since a chic I hollered at down hea (yeah, hea) in the South was exposed on there…hurt me soul © Lupe to see this broad suckin and shuckin on some raw dawg, and thinkin that I coulda went up in that. Fortunately, she gave off a whorish aura (my non-thirsty fellas know what I mean…cute chic, nice body, but something just ain’t right, and you don’t want to have to go to the clinic to find out what that something is), so I fell back like autumn, but still…This weekend, I briefly thought about retiring my condoms because you never really know about these hoes, and that’s real. Ladies, ya’ll can say the same thing too, but goin back to my post on STDs, its really real out here…so fellas, before you lay it down with Ms. New Booty for the first time, make sure you strap up, and check out that freaksonmyspace.com, cuz she might just be on there. Oh, and fellas…if yo girl’s period last more than five days, its cuz either her pussy broke, or she had too many abortions © Corey Holcomb.