Take me for instance, before I head out, I like to get my drinkability on (c) Bud Light, and sip a lil somethin. On a pay day week, i’m chillin with my boo, GG ( Souljaboytellem.com and when a nigga is strugglin, its Steel Reserve, Olde English or St. Ide’s (Just hit the corner store, they got what i’m lookin for…St. Ide’s). Now, I try not to overdo the brewskies, because if i’m tryna do the one night stand, I never seen a nigga get action after kneeling to the porcelain god a.k.a. hurling his guts. So, I get clean, watch a Kanye video and dig through my closet for my freshest sweater vest and shirt combo, splash on some smell good and make sure I head over my nigga who has the good car’s house. Sip a lil bit of his liquor…cuz i’m not ballin for real, i’m pump fakin it, and head to the club. I’m tipsy, feelin good and they just played my shit…’Life of the Party’…and right in the middle of the song, when Snoop tells niggas to ‘Just Freeze,Freeze,Freeze’. I spot her…yeah, I spot my victim for the night…now when a nigga goes for the one night stand, we’re not going for the Lauren London’s in the club, nah, we’re lookin for a cute chic with a flaw…maybe some messed up teeth, cute face with bootydo, or a stretch mark or two or ten. Nevertheless, she’s a chic with visible low-self esteem, and members of the N.A.S. movement all appreciate that. Ladies, if you are constantly being targeted for one night stands, step ya game up, hit the gym, get a make over, or some plastic surgery.), cuz girls love initials (c)
Anyways, I spark up a conversation with ole girl, trying to gauge her interest in me and in my drunken recklessness, i’m saying BS like…”So, ahh, shit, thats a nice ass toe ring, you got, did you get that from Claire’s?” All the while my conscience is saying “I am your conscience, I just used another pick-up line that didn’t work” (c) Phonte. So then, a nigga hits her with the “Are we cuttin?” question…”So what you doin after this?” It’s every nigga’s dream for a female to hit him with the “Well, I was gonna head over to your crib, put it on you somethin proper-like’, wash you off with one of your dish rags, cook up some breakfast, and then head home.” But we’re not living in a fantasy world, so I usually get the “Imma go home and get some sleep , cuz I gotta go to church.” When she puts that church on a nigga, oh…it’s definitely NOT goin down at all.
Enter the Sarah Palin shit…you chalk it up as a loss, head to the crib, checkout onthestoop.wordpress.com, read Dre‘s post “ Saved My Life”, get that Jergens and Pornotube crackin and call it a night, making excuses like, well that broad had a unibrow anyway or, well, a nigga never caught a STD by ‘handling’ his own, she coulda have that .ass nigga, after heading to the bar for your third Tequila shot, you see this ole pretty boy ass nigga dancing the night away with the same girl. The hater in you wants to go up to the broad and be like…”Didn’t you just say you was Jehovah Witnessin,now you droppin and givin him 50?” But you play it cool. End of the night, you see this broad walkin hand in hand to dude’s car, and you start thinkin, maybe he knew the broad, but then you remember she just told you she just moved here from Alaska, on some
Meanwhile, Rico Suave takes this chic by the Taco Bell drive thru, they smash some Chalupas at the crib, he puts on 12 Play by Kellz, and she starts to get comfortable. This is where the “I normally don’t do this…but” (c) Jamie Foxx, comes into play. So Rico eases her over to the couch and he leans in for the kiss, and she responds, “Well, usually I don’t do this, but” and kisses the nigga. Rico is feelin lucky, plus he just spent $3.97 for this ass, so he not takin “No” for an answer, so he goes to unloosen the jeans…chick responds, “Well, usually I don’t do this, but”…takes the draws off…next thing you know, three minutes of fury is over and the broad is on the corner with her bus pass and one of them Jehovah Witness newsletters…THE END.
Ladies, stop with all that, “I normally don’t do this…but” bullshit, if you let a nigga hit on the first night, yo ass usually does it, ain’t no shame…call a spade a spade, and a jumpoff a jumpoff. The problem is, ya’ll have a problem admitting, “Damn, maybe I am a jumpoff”, tough pill to swallow, but not as tough as it was to take dude #56 to the crib with your roommate at the house, lol…If you think about that statement, its there to set you up for failure…when Kellz slept with his 13 year old, what do you think he said to himself before he put it on her? “I normally don’t do this, but put down that coloring book, and come sit on Uncle Robert’s lap”…Delete that from your vocab at all costs.
Be on the lookout for the continuation of ‘Lyrics to Live By’ where blogger M. Key takes on some of his favorite yet reckless rap lyrics and explains them to the common man. Also, i’m starting a new weekly post called ‘Ask a Nigga’, where our readers can randomly send e-mails to email@example.com to get advice on topics ranging from relationships, money, or if you just want a reckless opinion on some of life’s ills. Look out for the first post tomorrow entitled ‘She Got that Good…But Smelly”.