Wifing Up Jumpoffs….Noooooooooo, Don’t Do It!

In the wake of this whole Superhead debacle, with my nigga Eddie Winslow wifing her, and then Bow Wow supposedly impregnating her, I just want to take some time out to discuss this issue that seems to be tackling niggas at alarming rates…

Now, I must preface this by saying that in a past life, a nigga did wife a jump off, and after several negative STD tests, pregnancy scares and headaches, I feel like i’m fully qualified to help ya’ll niggas. Fellas, it always starts out the same way, you meet a chic, she could be cute, maybe a mud duck with a body, or maybe you met her online and she had a fake picture up but then when she got to the crib and she ain’t look nothing like it, but you still did the do because sometimes if you’re suffering from a bad case of DDS (Dry Dick Syndrome) you lower your standards, and fellas, we’ve all been there at some point, so I can’t even be mad about that. Nevertheless, you get her over to the crib, put on that first 112 cd, Febreze up them bed sheets, turn the lights down low (this is a necessity if she ain’t that cute) and get it crackin. Now, as you’re pulling down the draws, in the back of your head, you thinkin, “Damn, nigga, I can’t believe this shit is goin down already, I gotta start tellin more chics that I was celibate…this shit really works, and wait til I tell Ray-Ray I hit ole girl.” And as she’s ‘rockin your mic’, like it’s never been rocked before, you kinda think well damn, like how many other niggas had it this easy, but the confident nigga in you overtakes that thought by saying that it’s because of your superior game that you got her to get loose this early, which happens to be completely wrong, but when you dealin with niggas who wife jumpoffs, you dealin with niggas who only think with one of their heads. Since the sex was so good, you get up wash yourself off in the kitchen sink with the dishrag, and actually invite the broad to stay the night and cuddle, cuz you stay in the hood, and you don’t want her to get shot on the way home. You wake up to her rockin the mic again, and you’re thinkin, “Dreams do come true, it don’t get better than this.” She gets up, showers, and you textin all your boys like, “Nigga, it went down”. She invites you out to breakfast, and pays for it, and ya’ll end up spending the whole day together, and actually have a nice ass time, find out ya’ll have more in common than having one night stands with complete strangers, and you really start to dig the girl.


This is where it goes all bad, she hit you with the okie doke and got you to fall in like with her. Now you callin and textin each other all the time, and ya’ll get up a few times a week, and for some reason you can’t figure out why this broad doesn’t answer the phone some nights. You changed your ringtone for her to ‘Prototype’ by Andre 3000, and you are completely overtaken by this chic…damn, lol. Soon, you find yourself surprising her with flowers, and you’re really pushing for the relationship thing, and she’s kinda hesitant, cuz she got a lot of other dudes on deck. You thinking, “Damn, I thought I was special, she GTD’d (Gave up The Draws) the first night, and we had good conversation, and I ain’t even had to put this broad out my car yet.” And this my friends © John McCain, is the psychology of the nigga who wifes jump-offs.


Fellas, you always have to remember that, if the broad gave you EVERYTHING the first night…nigga, you ain’t the only one, no way, no how. I don’t care how good you think your game is, this chic is not to be wifed, she is to be kept in the jumpoff category. Granted, you can still take her to McDonalds for a sausage biscuit, and hang out with her, but you leave it at that, you don’t introduce her to mama and them, not to your boys, and you don’t take her to any nice restaurants that she’s not paying for, lol. You have to establish these parameters so that you don’t find yourself caught up in the rapture of love with a jumpoff. With a jumpoff, you make sure you stay strapped with your favorite brand of condom, you don’t hit her up between the hours of 9 AM and 9 PM, and you don’t fall in love. Its nothin worse than to be seen out and about with a chic that’s the porn star of the hood. You walkin into the movies, and you see niggas whispering, and pointing and laughin at ole girl, while she tries to walk fast as hell to the concession stand. Granted, a female givin it up on the first night isn’t the only sign of a jumpoff, but it’s a tell-tell sign that she is, so STAY AWAY or look forward to the headaches, STDs and unwanted pregnancies, lol.


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