Jackin Saved My Life ( pt. 1)

 a OG once told me “Youngin, the best pussy in the world is right in the palm of your hand! You wanna know why? Because at any given time you can have it your way (c) Burger King— tight, loose, wet, dry, warm and do so without any repercussions.

So I constantly find myself arguing with friends all the time about the reckless shyt they do just to get some pooon tang. With that being said let me paint the picture for you (c) Jamie Foxx. 

After a late night of drankin, kicking it, and all that jazz—–> fast forward to the next morning.

Quiet on set—–“action”

Scene: a young elegant lady mixed with gorilla an panther walks down the stairs and proceeds to take the walk of shame. 

me: blank stare

the homie: Nigga what?

me: smirk…..ummmm yeaaaaa so you beat?

the homie: Yes sir!

me: blank stare

the homie: What? She had that blazing dome plus to my surprise the pussy was as warm as morning breath.

me: shakes head…I can believe it! I mean she was built like a elephant on hgh.

the homie: Yea only downfall was I couldn’t find a strap so I had to take that dive with no parachute. 

me: blank stare….Eshhhhhhh, you better than me! No lie I would jack before beating something that disrespectful.

the homie: Huh! Did you say jack? Hellllllll nah! At the end of the day something is better than nothing right? 

me: Nigga, first thing comes to mind is diseases, kids,  and public humiliation. None of those things cross your mind?      

the homie:  Nahhhh! Who thinks about that before you smash?

and so the story begins– (read more after the jump)

You know I never supported the whole “Some way, some how Im fucking something” campaign. Every since I could remember I’ve always had pride in my dick. Its been like that since I first started having sex back in the 7th grade (we will address that in another post..lol).  

Now just to be clear when I speak on having DP that doesn’t mean every girl on the resume was cute…lol….definitely was not the case. What it means is that I never lowered my standards or ignored responsibility all for the sake of busting a nut. In high school for the most part I never knowingly went raw (sticking the tip in doesn’t count). So when there was no condom in site I immediately called a audible (c) Peyton Manning and went to the back up plan.

Plan B-use the little plastic sandwich bags my mom used to pack lunches with.

No sandwich bags, no problem

Plan Cgood ol glad saran wrap,

if that failed

Plan D-plastic grocery bag

Say what you want but at the end of the day you cant say I wasn’t resourceful and I wasn’t practicing safe sex…lol. I’ve never been that type of dude that could just fuck anything. I remember one time this cutie was all over me. She was intelligent, funny, and her body was crazy (small waist, donk, hips, d cups). Not too mention she was ready and willing do whatever but there were a few issues:

1.) Strangle enough a couple of her bottom teeth were missing (which made me wonder if she was a recovering fiend)

2.) She was still rocking a S curl in 2001 

3.) Breathe smelled like spoiled hot dog water.

And because of those issues listed above I had to shoot her down. Shocking? Maybe to others but to me nah not really! Its not hard to turn down pussy (for valid reasons of course) but for others its damn near impossible. What makes it impossible for most men? Well that can be answered with one word THIRST.

Thats right my friends (c) John “The Walking Corpse” McCain most men suffer from a disease called THIRST. Its one of the most deadly epidemics sweeping this nation. Trust me when I say once it sets in all logic goes out the window. A girl could be coughing, have a odd smell, and a tat that says “enter at your own risk” and a nigga would still find excuses to justify beating.  Heres a example of a timeline of a club night (c) beg convo of this post:

Goin to club!

10:45pm–starting to get dressed (unless you have a spare vagina you gotta get there early).

Thinking: “I hope find  someone cute, Intelligent, funny, classy, somebody that I could really vibe with. Get my bake on.”

11:15pm–in line about to get in.

Thinking:“Yeaaa it might crack tonight. I need to find a classy vagina whos on it and not about games.”

12:15am–Inside, drankin, kickin it: (thirst begins)

Thinking:  “Ehh forget all that boo stuff. Im trying find a cutie to take home and dump dick on””

12:50am (thirst grows, lowers expectations)

Thinking: “Ummm she kinda favors craig mack but fuck it she got a fat ass.”

1:45am (thirst sets in)

Thinking:“You know shes really not that big. A little fluffy yes but I could work wit it. Atleast she smells good though. Didnt know they had a perfume with the bbq ribtip scent. 

2:15am (thirst takes over)                                                    

Thinking: “Damn shes got the face of death! Is that a adams apple? Could be, oh well she got some sexy ass knee caps.”

MEN LIE, WOMEN LIE, NUMBERS DONT

1 in 4 Adults in NYC Have Herpes-NY Times

1 in 20 people in Washington, DC live with HIV or AIDS. 

Washington, DC has the highest HIV/AIDS in the US 

African Americans account for 48% of new HIV infections

The number of women living with HIV has tripled in the last two decade

^^^^^^^^

And this why I said in the beginning I would rather jack before diving in. This aint the 70’s early 80’s its real out here. Like Katt Williams said “just jack off one time and see if you still want to take the bitch home.” Thats right niggas jackin could save your life. Its the best way to stay clear of the those 3 letter words (c) HIV, STD, KID. Im saying learn from others mistakes (c) niggas pushing strollers. Its nothing more crucial than that first nut because after you let that first one loose it brings about a moment of clarity. Besides youj just cant do anything unprotected in this day in age not even hold hands. So all Im sayin is dont let the thirst get the best of you, always think things thru and most importantly do the right thing (c) Spike Lee….

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5 Responses to Jackin Saved My Life ( pt. 1)

  1. t.polite says:

    I haven’t even read this but pee wee has kilt me. Yes kilt.

  2. t.polite says:

    I hate you.

  3. mkey226 says:

    LMAO…this is the post of the year man

  4. ms. cali says:

    wow!

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